Overcoming Fears: Lowering The Gradient To Be Able To Meet Girls And Relate To Girls

Last week one of my buddies asked a question that i thought was worth talking about. He asked about how to overcome fears which pop up at times - even if everything is going good.

The truth is it's not at all an easy question to reply to because it differs for every person. There are actually thousands of books that have been written on that subject only. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears generally involves lowering the gradient.

What exactly are gradients? Gradients are similar to steps on a ladder. If you try to reach the top of the ladder on your first step, it will probably be impossible and you may fail. If you keep trying it over and over you might start building up a "complex" regarding failing, and soon stop trying anymore.

If you try to leap up five or six steps in your first attempt, it will also be frightening - not necessarily impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences leaping that high you will fail too.

The proper approach is to take the initial step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most pleasant method to climb a ladder.

Below are a few examples of how I apply that to get over fears that pop up in meeting women and dating women:

As most guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. Sometimes it is especially frightening. Therefore while I am approaching an attractive woman in a party, instead of telling her how beautiful she is and how much I am attracted to her (that exposes my fear of being shot down in front of many people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and just say "Hi." If a girl likes you or has an interest in you she will discover a means to carry on the conversation. If she doesn't then i understand she is not interested in me and the simple "Hi" just appears that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - thus I don't feel shot down in front of others.

If I am starting to date a woman and I am afraid of taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Would you like to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she would like to chill, get cozy, and just listen to music at my house. If she doesn't want to get intimate she surely won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my home. Or instead of trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will just hold her hand or give her gentle touches every now and then to find out how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will start touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.

These are a few examples. Whenever you feel uneasy and scared simply try to consider a lower gradient which isn't as frightening and enables you to make forward progress toward your goal. If you do this you will know how to meet women and how to connect with them quickly.

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